30 by 30

With my birthday sneaking up on me, I decided to use 2012 and my big 30 to set some serious goals.

Obviously my biggest goal is to walk.
To kick this wheelchair to the curb.

So this is my list of 30 by 30. Some are long term goals that will take lots of practice and work, others are moments that I would have never thought to think twice about before, maybe even taken for granted.

All are milestones and accomplishments, 30 small steps closer to my ultimate goal.  

1.  Be able to dress 100% by myself
2.  Have my own vehicle
3.  Drive
4.  Donate my hair to a cause
5. Sing in church
6. Cook an entire meal myself
7. Be able to style my hair
8. Buy new shoes that I can put on myself
9. Sleep in a regular bed
10. Be able to roll
11. Go on a weekend getaway
12. Change my kids diaper
13. Take my kids to get a happy meal or ice cream.
14. Make cookies with my kids
15. Be able to do my own laundry
16. Be able to stand
17. Find a way to do service for someone
18. Wear "normal" clothes (not sweats everyday)
19. Lose at least 20 pounds
20. Lift weights on a regular basis
21. Do a transfer to my wheelchair from my bed without a transfer board
22. Be able to transfer into a car
23. Go see a movie
24. Be able to transfer to a toilet
25. Be able to stay alone for 24 hours
26. To get from laying to sitting
27. To crawl
28. To do a depression lift (a real one, with my butt clearing the ground)
29. Be able to lean forward and sit back up without using my arms
30. To get rid of my leg straps

30 goals.  

I may not achieve them all, 
but I'll achieve all I can.

Learning to Live Life Again

Most of you know that I have remained pretty positive through this whole ordeal. While I still feel positive, my time in rehab is definitely made me more excited about finding independence again. Everyday there something new we are trying, or building, and conquering.

Having 4 to 5 hours of therapy, not including the therapy I do with nursing or on my own, leaves my energy levels low by the end of the night, so blogging has been neglected. There are so many exciting things going on, I'll try not to make this post too long but I want to update the things I have learned.

A few days after I got here my therapist, Dr., and I wanted to look into my diagnosis more. We are having a hard time getting a solid diagnosis. While my original diagnosis was Guillain-Barré, the symptoms I have now correlate more wish an issue directly relating my spinal cord not my peripheral nervous system.  They are unsure if my original diagnosis was completely wrong or is it actually has the balls into something else somewhere along the way.  Right now we are also looking into the possibility of transverse myelitis.

A couple weeks after I was here I got invited to start doing recreational therapy in addition to minority schedule 3 hours.  Rec therapy is a lot of fun. I been able to pool therapy a couple times as well as crafts, visits to downtown, and an outdoor arm bike.  It's been fun being able to dabble in things I wasn't willing to spend the money to figure out if I can do well or not. It's given me fun activities to do on my own as well. The rec therapists are fun and lighthearted which make spending time with them enjoyable.

Occupational therapy has helped me with a lot of adaptive tools. I have a few things to help me take care of my own personal needs. I have adaptive cooking utensils, a new cutting board, a tray that fits on my wheelchair, and my new splint (which I lovingly refer to as my terminator arm). We have also talked about possibly getting a van that I can either be a passenger or a driver in. I was a little hesitant about the thought of driving again, but I've seen a van this other patient drives, he's a high spinal cord injury, with very little movement in his arms and he's driving. The more and more I think about it I think in a couple of years my children can put themselves in car seats and we would be able to go do things outside the home more often.  One thought to ponder, I am sure a van like that will probably cost a pretty penny. Plus if it's set up for me to drive, obviously I will have to do all the driving. It's definitely something I've been thinking about a lot more.

Physical therapy is definitely the toughest part of my day. We've primarily been focusing on transferring myself using a slide board, which I can almost do independently which makes me excited. Also doing a lot of strengthening, and I can almost get from my back to a sitting position with minimal help. Today for physical therapy I tested power wheelchairs. While there's this small voice inside of me that excited for independence (possibly driving again), more opportunities, and being able to get around easier, there's also the small devil standing on my shoulder saying I've given in. I want to make sure just as I'm doing something that makes it easier, but I'm not still trying to progress to the most liability.

Although days are busy and tiring I'm truly thankful for all the people who work here. My CNA's and nursing staff, therapists, and doctors have definitely helped my state be as enjoyable as it could be that have really helped me seeing progress.

I'm thankful for the time I've been able to spend here, but the countdown is on.

Less than two weeks and I'll be headed home again.

One Week Behind Me

Well I have officially been here one week. So far it has been very good. I'm so impressed with everyone that works here. Their attitudes and knowledge are very impressive.

In physical therapy, we're working a lot on independent slide board transfers as well as balance and overall strengthening. Within a week I already feel a lot more confident with my transferring, and am hopeful that if I will have it down.

In occupational therapy, we are working on strengthening, adaptive tools, and a new hand splint that will help me pinch between my fingers and thumb better. This morning I worked on independent dressing and it was so hard I can't even explain it. I was so physically exhausted after a half-hour of wiggling around, trying to get my clothes off and on, reaching to my toes trying to push them over my feet, and him leaning forwards and backwards. I was thankful they came at seven in the morning so I could take the rest before getting up for the rest of my days.

I'm also working on bowel and bladder training ( is that TMI?).  The only reason I bring this up is because this is seriously as physically exhausting as physical therapy and occupational therapy.  Even more it's probably the most emotionally draining part.

I also found out today they would like me to stay for six more weeks.
I will more than likely be discharged on October 4.

Rehab 101

I discovered today while chatting with the other patients that their many similarities between rehab and prison.

This does not in any way imply that I do not want to be here, or do I not appreciate what I'm going to be able to learn while I'm here, more just funny quirks comparing the two.

1.  We all plot during meals about how we can escape.

Today we decided that we would create a distraction so that one of the other ladies could make a run for it. Since we outnumbered the help, we decided that if we split up and each went in different directions she could make it to the elevators.  Of course, she would have to ditch her wristband which is like a tracking device.

2.  After meals we all are escorted back to our room.

After we have meals, one of the CNA's pushes us back to our rooms where we wait until the next person comes to get us. If you head for the door, you are immediately intercepted by someone.

3.  Typically, the most exciting part of the day is
when we get to work out.

Therapy sessions are the only time besides meal time that we are able to get out of our room.  It's all about getting stronger, and trying to impress the person next to you with your abilities.

4. There are gangs.

We each sit at our designated tables and rarely converse with the other tables. while here it is more split up by men and women.

5. Meals can be very questionable.

While not all meals have been bad since I got here, I won't lie, I wish there was a hamburger man like on the movie ' The Longest Yard'.  There are days, I would drop a pretty penny for a hamburger pulled out of the old man's pants.

6. Our primary conversation, is when we get released.


One lady is released tomorrow and you could see the envious looks on everyone's faces. Another lady got her release date today, and with good behavior, will be going home next Friday.

The Test

Growing up, I have heard this song more than 100 times.  Now this song rings true even more.  If you look at the world there is so many people who struggle each day. I think we all ask the question, "why"?  It would be very easy to walk the path of sorrow and self-pity, but instead of focusing on what's wrong with the world, I see so many people who use their trials to lift others and be inspiring.  Thanks to the internet, blogs, and emails, there are beautiful people out there who focus on the good and make the world a little more tolerable. I have definitely used this time to find peace with my situation. It's true, we weren't sent hear to live a life of perfect ease. We were sent here to deal with trials and to be tested. To be forced to choose to walk the path of either the darkness, sorrow, and self-pity, or to choose light, joy, and peace. Each choice is always around, there for our taking, it's what we choose to see that will define our life. Everybody deserves some bad days still, but it truly is our decision to make it one bad day, not a bad life. It's true, I might not understand why this happened, and just because I have this large trial, doesn't make me think that there still won't be more ahead. Like the words of this song said though, "but didn't he say we could live with him forever more, well and whole, if we but patiently endure."  When things are hard, it's definitely hard to remain faithful, but these experiences truly are to strengthen us and help us grow, to learn, to love, and to appreciate the good that truly is all around. Through this trial I have been blessed to meet many wonderful new friends, to spend quality time with my boys and family, to be exposed to so many acts of kind service, feel the love of so many prayers, and to feel the constant support of everyone around me, and for so many things like this, I am grateful for my tests.

Braces Update

Sorry I have been such a slacker at updating this blog. Since I use a voice program to update it I preferred to do it when no one is in the house, except when I don't have my headset I'm pretty much stuck with not doing it at all. So here's what's going on, and what has happened last couple months.

On May 11, I got my full leg braces. The first time I tried them on, and stood, was in the orthopedics office. My dad, my physical therapist, and the orthopedist all helped me stand.  While it definitely was not easy, it went better than I had expected. I had nightmares for days before we went to get my braces that as soon as I stood upright, I passed out, then fell flat to the ground. Luckily, that was not the case. I did get dizzy, but if I leaned back against the table and laid my head on my dad's shoulder it was enough for me to recover before I could stand again. Everything went well at the orthopedics office, so we took the braces and went home and started therapy that very week. The first few times I stood, I stood in front of the kitchen sink. My hip flexor muscles are so tight that I had to stand with my back arched in order to stay up, or I was thrown forward.  Every time though, I was able to stand up straighter and straighter.  Standing in front of the sink even got a little too easy, so we now stand in front of my bed, and I use my dad to help balance me. Since my hands don't work, I'm unable to use a walker for balance. I'm hoping this week to get a platform walker, that will allow me to balance myself with my arms bent and resting on a platform, and my shoulders will able to do more of the work. We have also upped my sessions from twice a week to three times a week.  The biggest thing, is that I have actually taken a few steps. While I don't downplay my accomplishment, I don't consider them real steps, since it took me and my physical therapist and my dad to stay upright while I did them.  I do take credit for kicking my legs forward. It's definitely happen a lot quicker than I ever thought it would since getting my braces.

I also am looking into possibly going to Boise, to The Elks. It's the largest rehab facility in Idaho, and they have inpatient rehab for all kinds of people. They train spinal cord injuries how to be more independent. Although I don't have a spinal cord injury, my recovery is lightly based off the same rehab. Where I have progressed quicker than I imagined with my leg braces, I have discussed options with my therapist to thinks that might be a good idea.  If I get approved I will go to Boise for a few weeks to do more extensive therapy. I would be required to do a minimum of three hours, five days a week, and with that much therapy I hope that my progress would be much quicker. Hopefully I will know soon if I am approved, and when I can go to Boise.

Leg Braces

Yesterday I went to Idaho Falls and was measured for leg braces.  It was quite the experience!  After being stripped to my unders, they cast both my legs from hip to toes.  Then they cut the cast off and will use those to build my braces.  Now, I wait.  Approximately two weeks.  Then when I got to try them on, I will get to stand.  It will be my first complete upright position in 16 months!  It will be between parallel bars and help, but it will be a milestone.  

My  braces will look similar to this but will be dark gray.