The Test

Growing up, I have heard this song more than 100 times.  Now this song rings true even more.  If you look at the world there is so many people who struggle each day. I think we all ask the question, "why"?  It would be very easy to walk the path of sorrow and self-pity, but instead of focusing on what's wrong with the world, I see so many people who use their trials to lift others and be inspiring.  Thanks to the internet, blogs, and emails, there are beautiful people out there who focus on the good and make the world a little more tolerable. I have definitely used this time to find peace with my situation. It's true, we weren't sent hear to live a life of perfect ease. We were sent here to deal with trials and to be tested. To be forced to choose to walk the path of either the darkness, sorrow, and self-pity, or to choose light, joy, and peace. Each choice is always around, there for our taking, it's what we choose to see that will define our life. Everybody deserves some bad days still, but it truly is our decision to make it one bad day, not a bad life. It's true, I might not understand why this happened, and just because I have this large trial, doesn't make me think that there still won't be more ahead. Like the words of this song said though, "but didn't he say we could live with him forever more, well and whole, if we but patiently endure."  When things are hard, it's definitely hard to remain faithful, but these experiences truly are to strengthen us and help us grow, to learn, to love, and to appreciate the good that truly is all around. Through this trial I have been blessed to meet many wonderful new friends, to spend quality time with my boys and family, to be exposed to so many acts of kind service, feel the love of so many prayers, and to feel the constant support of everyone around me, and for so many things like this, I am grateful for my tests.

Mending

Besides the obvious physical mending that is going on, there is also some serious mending going on with my relationships.

Spending 5 months away from my husband has been a huge struggle.  Not that our relationship is bad by any means but it is different.  It's been stressful.  I use to be so proud that Kelly and I didn't argue.  We would calmly discuss any disagreement we had until we came to a reasonable compromise.  Well that has been drop kicked out the window.  Neither Kelly nor I are really "yellers", but there is much more tension in our conversations.  When I went into the hospital my whole family was pulled apart.  I was in Idaho Falls at the hospital, Kelly was in Pocatello carrying on as much of a "normal" life as he could, and Jack went back and forth between Kelly's parents and my parents (thank HEAVENS for their help, we wouldn't have made it without them).  So not only did we lose each other, we lost Jack ... we lost our whole family, the family we had been for only 11 short months.  It threw a serious wrench in our lives. Since we have been back together it's like we have to remember how to be a married couple again.  For 5 months we were single again and now we are married again.  So with long talks and very conscious effort .... we are mending.  Physically, emotionally, spiritually ... in every way, we are mending.