Big Ticket Items

Well, the ball is rolling! Or wheels perhaps. I am well on my way to owning a wheelchair accessible van! :)

I have been working with an amazing lady from Voc Rehab and she really has lit a fire under me to have a van in the next six weeks. SIX WEEKS! Yikes! I am so excited. This little thing (well, if a mini van is little) will open up so many opportunities for me and my family. Trips to the store will be easier, shopping (a girl always needs some retail therapy), church will be quicker, I'll be able to take my children to school, to dinner, to friends. A big road will unfold right before my eyes!

So here's to car payments and insurance again! Yay!

Goal #21- Check

While using a transfer board isn't a total inconvenience, being able to do a good transfer without one be much more efficient. Being able to transfer without a board would allow me to transfer to more places as well; couches, chairs, beds, cars.

Well. I now can, not very gracefully, transfer from my bed to my chair. I guess those ten million depression lifts I did at the Elks are starting to pay off. My right tricep muscle is incredibly weak.  (like a newborn baby has more strength than me) If I can continue working out that goofy muscle and it gets stronger then depression lifts may become my friends, not my nemesis. Either way, a transfer without a board has been accomplished.

Goal #23 - Check

I haven't ever been a huge movie theater kind of girl. I would much rather spend $7 on junk food and $2 on a rental, than $9 on a movie. However since the ability to go see a movie was taken away, I missed it. Luckily I have some great girlfriends who aren't afraid of a challenge.

Amy and Alisha were the first to take on the task. It was fun. It was nice just to get out. To eat popcorn and see previews. To feel a part of the real world, outside my home. After I accomplished it with Amy and Alisha, I was much more confident in my ability to do it with others.

Next was three wonderful ladies from my ward. We went out for a girls night. Red Lobster, a little shopping, and another movie.

After my outing with them I was lucky to go with my own munchkins and my family to see Brave.

It's nice to know that these little accomplishments open up my possibilities. So thanks girls, for dragging me out and helping me make another check mark.

Mercies In Disguise

I feel a deep connection to music and have since I was very young. Words set to music often strike me deeper than if those same words were spoke by even the most eloquent of speakers.

A few Sunday's ago I heard this song as I came home from church. 



It's words resonated with me. When I got home I looked up the song online to listen to it again. After listening to the song I noticed a small link that discussed the inspiration for that song. I watched the song writer as she spoke lovingly of her husband who had a medical issue. They prayed for healing and his ability to overcome what he had been dealt. After many prayers, they realized things weren't happening the way the had expected them to, and they were prompted to look at other ways their prayers were being answered. "What if blessings come through rain drops? What if healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights is what it takes to know you're near?  What if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise".

The last couple of years, my prayers have been for the same things. Healing and the ability to overcome. While my prayers, and many prayers from others, haven't been answered exactly how I thought they would be, I know this song rings true. I feel Gods power in rainstorms. I notice so much easier now the beauty that surrounds us. I feel stronger and more whole after sincere tears are shed. I feel healing going on in my soul after sleepless nights spent praying and asking for guidance. While my legs may not be moving and my body may seem broken, my spirit has never felt stronger. That strength and internal light is the way I am being healed, not the way I asked, but the way the Lord knows that I need to be. While my prayers are still filled with questions of healing and understanding, I am thankful for the comfort that the Lord.  That he knows best and that he has never left me.

Goal #7 -Check

Just over a month ago I was sitting at my computer, doing nothing of great importance, other than wasting time. After a few minutes away, my computer went to it's screen saver, which is just black. When I came back to my computer, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in that darkened screen. Because of my limited access to places, I rarely see my reflection. I don't glance in the mirror while washing my hands, nor do I look in the mirror every morning to get ready. Really the only time I see my reflection is in a small mirror that sits on the table when I do my make up, usually only on Sundays for church. In this moment though, as I looked at this reflection, almost a stranger, I had this sudden urge for change. This sudden urge to feel like me and to remember that person who was staring back at me. So I called my sweet friend Amanda, who came over the very next day to cut my hair. I was nervous about going back to my style before. Would my bangs look funny, would my hair lie straight, would I be able to straighten it if I had to. I took the plunge anyways, even though worry sat nagging in my ear that I would regret this change. To my surprise I immediately felt better. I hadn't even looked in a mirror yet, but I felt like me. Something as small as being able to run my fingers through my bangs brought me a sense of normalcy. After a couple days practice I also realized it was very manageable, more manageable than before. Even not being "fixed" I felt better, but when I wanted, I could straighten it using my trusty splint. Not only did I immediately feel like me, but there was a sense of accomplishment that I was doing something else for myself. So here's a great big check, not only to being able to style my hair, but for finding a small piece of me that was just buried inside waiting to be let out.

A Fork in My Road - The Elk's

Well, after ten months of trips back and forth to Boise, that road is closed for now.

I am SO thankful for my time at the Elks. The seven weeks I had as an impatient started me full speed down the path to my finding my independence. When I went to the Eljs, about the only thing I could do was feed myself and brush my teeth and hair. After leaving I slowly continued progressing. First to be able to do my own transfers, then cathing, the dressing, some basic cooking, transfers got quicker, pushing my wheelchair got easier, soon after I got into a room I was able to get my own supplies as well as clean up after myself, get my own clothes, foldinv laundry, and even change my kids diapers. They have help me opened up a whole world of possibilities for myself. So now I'm onto an even bigger endeavor to find my independence. Driving. Now my thoughts are filled with ramps, hand controls, driving tests, seatbelts. It's going to be scary and amazing and change my life as well as my families. The world will be opened up to me again. Mostly I think of all the things I can do with the boys. Go to the park, get some ice cream, go to church, go to the store, the movies. It will all be so much easier and I look forward to it every day.

I was blessed not only by going to the Elk's, but by the talented people who work there as well. The nurses and CNAs made my days bearable and always took great care of me. Dr. Cox was motivating and always had such high expectations for me. My OT's were experienced and knowledgable. They helped me get equipment I needed to be independent as well as helped me trouble shoot many things such as dressing, shoes, transferring in a bathroom, splints, leg straps, and much more. My Rec Therapists helped spark my live for the outdoors again. It was nice to feel proud after a silly art project or how far I could bike. Pool therapy was were I spent most of my time and there is such a freedom I remembered in the pool, where gravity isn't my enemy ( only drowning :) ). It was exhausting but beneficial and I look forward to learning to love many other things again, in a new way. My PT's were tough and encouraging. I was always reminded of the hard work I did when my muscles ached from head to toe. My PT classes were filled with transfers, depression lifts, quadruped, scooting, and PNF exercises. I have such a sense of accomplishment with my PT. Transfers are quicker, daily skills are easier, overall I feel stronger and I thank them for always pushing me to do more. Not only did they help me physically do things, but their attitudes and encouragement are burned into my memory. Even the therapist I rarely worked with could brighten my day and seem proud and concerned for me and my life. Then the wonderful techs, who are probably often overlooked. They always got stuck with the brunt work. Blocking my ever week elbow so I didn't collapse on my face, or helping me dress after pool, their jobs were often very up close and personal but everyday I looked forward to seeing them.

Before I get more teary eyed, here it goes. Thank you to my nursing/CNA staff, Shawna, Louise, Rachel, Mary, Eric, Sheila, Kat, Elton, Big Matt, Kristin, Bri, Byron, Jamie, and SO many more I know I'm forgetting! To my OT's, George and Cassandra. To my Rec Therapists, Kourtney and especially Christine who spent many hours up close and personal in the pool with me, days with questionable lunch choice ;), and you so willingly took the good with the bad. Now to the PT's Amber, Kathryn, Ryan, Kyle, David, Jackie, but especially Joe and Kristi. Joe pushed me harder than I ever thought I could go and Kristi has become more than a great PT to me but a great friend. And last but not least, to the techs, Manuela, Sarah, Sam, Kyle, and Allison. You always made my day. So hopefully I didn't forget anyone, but I hope you all know how grateful I am to you and you knowledge and talents. My life is better because of you. Until next time Elk's.

Goal #12 - Check

It's strange the things I miss. I miss most of all my ability to care for my children's needs. In February while I was on Boise for therapy, Jack got sick. That Sunday, I didn't want him going to church and spreading the live, so Jack and I stayed home. Everyone else was at church, so of course, Jack would need a diaper change. Jack is truly so sweet. He asked me if I could change him, and I told him I would try but I would need his help. I am sure not feeling well worked in my favor this time, because he laid so still and was quite helpful. So it took some time, but we did it. Jack stood up and proudly yelled, "we did it" and we shared a high five!

This week, Jack, Talon, and I stayed home for a few hours while my Mom worked. Talon of course took a little more convincing, and it took both me and Jack to change him, but we did it. Not that I am on permanent diaper duty now, but it's nice to know it can be done if I have too.