Sunday, January 15, 2012

Small Miracles

Now I believe I have been blessed with many talents. Remembering important dates however, is not one of them. I am pretty proud that I remember the few birthdays I do remember. One day I remember though, January 13th, 2010. It's burned in my brain. It's been two years. Two years that have seemed to drag on and fly by at the same time.

Yesterday we went to Pocatello with my parents. Now I have been to Pocatello before yesterday. Yesterday however was different. Yesterday I went to the part of Pocatello that use to be my home. I went past my work, where two years ago I abruptly left my friends, co-workers, and my weekly routine. A place that had been a part of my life for the last 7 years. I also went past the hill that had been my home. Where I lived. Where I was an active part of my loving ward. Regularly I think of these places, more often I remember the people. Miss my friends. This was my life. Now it feels like a ghost of another life. A life before wheelchairs and rehab.

Two years was initially suppose to be my magic number. Two years was a good estimate of how long it would take for me to recover. Two years of hard work and faith and I thought I would be walking again, taking care of myself and my children. Two years seemed like a long time, but it was doable. These last two years have been nothing but unpredictable. In two years I have done two stints in rehab, countless hours of therapy, prayed fervently for strength, cried, laughed, watch my two sweet boys learn and grown right before my eyes, had two different diagnosis's, and have experienced many firsts again. Firsts that are experience by many, often most don't remember because we are usually young. I however remember the wonderful day I had enough strength to feed myself, the first day I wheeled myself down the hallway, the first time I could play catch with Jack, the first day I stood with my leg braces, the first day I did an independent transfer, the first day I put on my own shoes, and countless other firsts. All were great milestones. Moments I will always remember. Moments I'm proud of, but moments I wished had come sooner. Two years have gone, and while I wish everyday my original diagnosis was true and I could be recovered, I have come to be thankful for my misdiagnosis. This was a small miracle I needed. That misdiagnosis could very well play a huge roll in my recovery. If I had originally been diagnosed with Transverse Myelitis, I truly believe my outcome would have been drastically different. I have done a lot of reading. My onset was quick and extreme. Most people with onsets like I had, have little to no recovery. Now I am sure not everyone falls into that category. There are miraculous stories all around of people doing the impossible. I truly believe that being diagnosed with Guillian Barre in the beginning gave me an upper hand. Because I thought I would recover in two years I worked hard. I was approved for home health and home therapy. I can't help but wonder if I would have had this therapy, had the original diagnosis been different. The limited therapy alone could have drastically changed my prognosis.

Two years in, I thought I would be recovered. Now, two years in, I see two years behind me. I hope and pray that the last two years were my starting ground. That maybe now two years is a half way point. Two years are behind me. I can handle two more and I pray the next two are filled with many more firsts and I'm sure many more small miracles. Thank you all for your kind words of support. They truly keep me going. I will never be able to repay all that's been done for me. One day though, I'll pay it forward.

"When we get stuck in the mud, God is much more likely to assist the man who gets out to push than the man who merely raises his voice in prayer -no matter how eloquent the oration." Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Angry Toes

Well one Dr. Appointment is done. Three more to go. I am on a ten day antibiotic and them it back in to get my angry toenails fixed. I guess that's what happens when you can't really feel your toes. I will also have an appointment with a urologist and a hand specialist. Should be interesting. I was never one to go to the doctor, I guess now I'm making up time. Now I have so many doctors it's a little ridiculous! I am thankful so much for all those people who took all the time and money to go to school and learn what they know. My life is better because of my doctors, therapists, nurses, CNA's, and so many others.

Sunday, January 8, 2012


I have been home for a week now. My shoulders are still sore so I am taking that as I am doing enough! I am hoping this week to put on my leg braces and see how different standing is after four months. I am sure I won't be able to get up on my own, which I know is pretty vital to learning to walk, but I am curious. Curious if my shoulders are strong enough to stand with my walker. Curious how my core strength is now. Basically, I am all around curious. Tomorrow is my first of many doctor's appointments while I am home. I am ready to be done with them all! Like they won't just reappear again! Oh well! Good thing I like all my doctors.

Monday, January 2, 2012


2012 I am hoping for lots of progress!

December was spent in Boise with my brother's family. Staying with them I was able to do a month of therapy. It probably sounds strange, but I look forward to therapy. It's my version of going to the gym, with my personal trainers. It usually is pretty rough. It often takes me about ten minutes to get down to the lobby, one floor away. I know it's a good session when it takes a good amount of energy to eat at dinner time. Physical therapy consisted of lots and lots of depression lifts, quadruped (hands and knees) which is a crazy total body workout,lots of arm and shoulder exercises, and working on balance to help strengthen my core. I feel like I might finally be getting a small response in my right triceps. While lying on my stomach I can push myself up into a little mermaid type position. (You like my description?) I'm hoping if I can keep doing my "mock" push-ups that maybe I won't need someone a one of my lovely personal assistants to lock out my right elbow to stay off my face in quadruped. (Don't lie, you chuckled at that visual!) My goals to reach before my PT's are stuck with me again. I want to be able to get off my right elbow while sitting on the edge of the bed. To do my "mock" push-ups easily, to get my butt just a little higher off the ground while doing depression lifts, and to be able to scoot right to left better. There is lots to work on.

OT had some good progress too. I am able to put my own sneakers on and I seriously am sooooooo close to be able to dress myself completely on my own. I need to master moving side to side and then I know I can do it. That's my big OT goal before I go back. That would not only be a giant check off my "30 by 30" list, but it would make me so much more independent! Then my next task would be figuring out how to put on jeans myself.

Rec therapy was great. I did pool therapy for every session. It was tiring but I felt like there was decent progress. We worked on walking every time, swimming, and stretching. I started the month being able to walk about two widths of the pool with ankle weights and two more without the weights. Later in the month I did six widths with weights and four more without. There is lots more strength and control in my legs. I feel more strength in my legs. I hope it's there and not just wishful thinking. I do notice that my legs are toning up, pants are fitting looser, my bulge from baby Talon is finally getting smaller.

2012 has hard work ahead! Happy New Year!