Goal #7 -Check

Just over a month ago I was sitting at my computer, doing nothing of great importance, other than wasting time. After a few minutes away, my computer went to it's screen saver, which is just black. When I came back to my computer, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in that darkened screen. Because of my limited access to places, I rarely see my reflection. I don't glance in the mirror while washing my hands, nor do I look in the mirror every morning to get ready. Really the only time I see my reflection is in a small mirror that sits on the table when I do my make up, usually only on Sundays for church. In this moment though, as I looked at this reflection, almost a stranger, I had this sudden urge for change. This sudden urge to feel like me and to remember that person who was staring back at me. So I called my sweet friend Amanda, who came over the very next day to cut my hair. I was nervous about going back to my style before. Would my bangs look funny, would my hair lie straight, would I be able to straighten it if I had to. I took the plunge anyways, even though worry sat nagging in my ear that I would regret this change. To my surprise I immediately felt better. I hadn't even looked in a mirror yet, but I felt like me. Something as small as being able to run my fingers through my bangs brought me a sense of normalcy. After a couple days practice I also realized it was very manageable, more manageable than before. Even not being "fixed" I felt better, but when I wanted, I could straighten it using my trusty splint. Not only did I immediately feel like me, but there was a sense of accomplishment that I was doing something else for myself. So here's a great big check, not only to being able to style my hair, but for finding a small piece of me that was just buried inside waiting to be let out.

A Fork in My Road - The Elk's

Well, after ten months of trips back and forth to Boise, that road is closed for now.

I am SO thankful for my time at the Elks. The seven weeks I had as an impatient started me full speed down the path to my finding my independence. When I went to the Eljs, about the only thing I could do was feed myself and brush my teeth and hair. After leaving I slowly continued progressing. First to be able to do my own transfers, then cathing, the dressing, some basic cooking, transfers got quicker, pushing my wheelchair got easier, soon after I got into a room I was able to get my own supplies as well as clean up after myself, get my own clothes, foldinv laundry, and even change my kids diapers. They have help me opened up a whole world of possibilities for myself. So now I'm onto an even bigger endeavor to find my independence. Driving. Now my thoughts are filled with ramps, hand controls, driving tests, seatbelts. It's going to be scary and amazing and change my life as well as my families. The world will be opened up to me again. Mostly I think of all the things I can do with the boys. Go to the park, get some ice cream, go to church, go to the store, the movies. It will all be so much easier and I look forward to it every day.

I was blessed not only by going to the Elk's, but by the talented people who work there as well. The nurses and CNAs made my days bearable and always took great care of me. Dr. Cox was motivating and always had such high expectations for me. My OT's were experienced and knowledgable. They helped me get equipment I needed to be independent as well as helped me trouble shoot many things such as dressing, shoes, transferring in a bathroom, splints, leg straps, and much more. My Rec Therapists helped spark my live for the outdoors again. It was nice to feel proud after a silly art project or how far I could bike. Pool therapy was were I spent most of my time and there is such a freedom I remembered in the pool, where gravity isn't my enemy ( only drowning :) ). It was exhausting but beneficial and I look forward to learning to love many other things again, in a new way. My PT's were tough and encouraging. I was always reminded of the hard work I did when my muscles ached from head to toe. My PT classes were filled with transfers, depression lifts, quadruped, scooting, and PNF exercises. I have such a sense of accomplishment with my PT. Transfers are quicker, daily skills are easier, overall I feel stronger and I thank them for always pushing me to do more. Not only did they help me physically do things, but their attitudes and encouragement are burned into my memory. Even the therapist I rarely worked with could brighten my day and seem proud and concerned for me and my life. Then the wonderful techs, who are probably often overlooked. They always got stuck with the brunt work. Blocking my ever week elbow so I didn't collapse on my face, or helping me dress after pool, their jobs were often very up close and personal but everyday I looked forward to seeing them.

Before I get more teary eyed, here it goes. Thank you to my nursing/CNA staff, Shawna, Louise, Rachel, Mary, Eric, Sheila, Kat, Elton, Big Matt, Kristin, Bri, Byron, Jamie, and SO many more I know I'm forgetting! To my OT's, George and Cassandra. To my Rec Therapists, Kourtney and especially Christine who spent many hours up close and personal in the pool with me, days with questionable lunch choice ;), and you so willingly took the good with the bad. Now to the PT's Amber, Kathryn, Ryan, Kyle, David, Jackie, but especially Joe and Kristi. Joe pushed me harder than I ever thought I could go and Kristi has become more than a great PT to me but a great friend. And last but not least, to the techs, Manuela, Sarah, Sam, Kyle, and Allison. You always made my day. So hopefully I didn't forget anyone, but I hope you all know how grateful I am to you and you knowledge and talents. My life is better because of you. Until next time Elk's.

Goal #12 - Check

It's strange the things I miss. I miss most of all my ability to care for my children's needs. In February while I was on Boise for therapy, Jack got sick. That Sunday, I didn't want him going to church and spreading the live, so Jack and I stayed home. Everyone else was at church, so of course, Jack would need a diaper change. Jack is truly so sweet. He asked me if I could change him, and I told him I would try but I would need his help. I am sure not feeling well worked in my favor this time, because he laid so still and was quite helpful. So it took some time, but we did it. Jack stood up and proudly yelled, "we did it" and we shared a high five!

This week, Jack, Talon, and I stayed home for a few hours while my Mom worked. Talon of course took a little more convincing, and it took both me and Jack to change him, but we did it. Not that I am on permanent diaper duty now, but it's nice to know it can be done if I have too.

Goal #8 - Check

Finding a pair of comfortable shoes was always tricky, and even now that's no exception. I need shoes that are easy enough to put on myself, but comfortable enough to wear all day. Thank heavens for Zappo's free shipping! After about four different pairs, I found these gems.

They are comfortable, easy for me to put on, cute, and will probably last me the rest of my life. Now onto my sub-goal, learning to tie them. YIKES!

Goal #19 - Check

Well I am pretty excited to check this one off the list! When I went to the Elks in February I had lost 19 pounds. I was just one pound shy of my 20 pound goal. Bummer! When I was home those next six weeks, I was definitely not as diligent as I could have been. I mean come on, it was girl scout cookie and Cadbury eggs season! I was more than a little surprised when I went back in May to find I had lost 15 more pounds! 34 total! Apparently moving and exercising is good for you! So here's to 34 gone! And hopefully more. Ill be glad to never see you again lbs!

Screaming Shoulders

One more week of therapy is behind me and my arms and shoulders are reminding me of it all day long. Overall I felt like it was a successful week though. There were lots of depression lifts, hands and knees, and a tall kneeling. I've done tall kneeling before, but it seemed easier this week then I remember in the past. It's nice to see that my strength is coming. It's hard when I don't feel like there hasn't been something large accomplished though. I am happy to feel like I am always getting stronger. One more weeks, the back home again to work on my own.

Goal #1 - Check

We'll I am excited that I have another check off my list! I am now able to dress myself. This gives me so much more independence! Pulling up pants is no easy task when nothing from the waist down is helpless. I finally can do it! I may not be too speedy but I can do it! Now I just need to keep working on other clothes besides sweats.

Another awesome moment happened this week. I finally purged my Pre Transverse Myelitis wardrobe. Most of them are gone. :( But I am excited to build a better wardrobe. Because I got rid of most of my clothes, this came with a lot of trying on. So I wore real pants! With buttons and a zipper! No more maternity stretchy jeans for me! I'm well on my way to checking off #18 too!

Ten more days and I'm back to Boise for the grind! Yikes!